Be Steadfast

Chibok mother/daughter reunion. Photo by Olisa.tv.

Be Steadfast

by David Moore

"To be a good father and mother requires that the parents defer many of their own needs and desires in favor of the needs of their children. As a consequence of this sacrifice, conscientious parents develop a nobility of character and learn to put into practice the selfless truths taught by the Savior Himself.” - James E. Faust

        Each of us has times where we think about our lives;  where we are,  where we think we should be, if we should have made different decisions….  1 Corinthians 15:58 says, "Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”  Whether you call yourself a parent teacher, a home educator, the teacher in the torrent, or all of the above (depending on the day), you have been called to serve the Lord, by educating your children.  Each of us may make that decision for different reasons, but it doesn’t change the fact that it was placed on your heart by God, it is a calling.

        God equips those he calls.  He doesn’t call you to the task and leave you stranded.  I came across a homeschool mothers prayer (although I believe it applies to all homeschool parents, not just the ladies) that illustrates this:

        Dear Lord,
                I am tired, but You lift me up.
                I am confused, but You make my paths straight.
                I am busy, but You teach me to be still.
                I am unsure, but You teach me to stand.
                I am weary, You give me life.
                I am nothing, but You are my All.
                May I declare to my children Your sufficiency all day long.
                                                Amen.

        While you are “abounding in the work of the Lord”, you are developing a nobility of character that exemplifies Jesus to our children.  Our children get to see our bad days, our good days, and our "out of this world” days.  They also get to see how God moves in our lives on a daily basis, and how we declare His sufficiency in our lives.  You get to serve in the capacity God has called you to.  Be steadfast, knowing that your labor is not in vain.

Feeling Like A Homeschool Mom Failure??

CBP Rescues Man After Crash. US Govt photo.

So I just spent 12 years worrying  teaching  my oldest son all (or as close to that as possible) that I thought he needed to know to graduate. I changed curriculums when things were not coming together, I read all the suggestions from the expert moms. I asked other homeschool moms for their best advice, and in the end I usually ended up on a different path than all those suggestions. 

Prayer was my friend, and my prayer was, “Lord, help me to be the homeschool mom you want me to be. Help my children to learn what you want them to learn for the things you have planned for them.”  Over the years, I kept a little running clock in my head that counted down the time left to accomplish all the things he needed to learn: I need to work on his memorizing those multiplication tables. We need to do Biology with a lab. He needs to know both MLA and APA style writing. We haven’t completed US Government yet! What about that science book we never finished? We only have 7 years…4 years…1 year!… and on and on the countdown went. As we pushed through his senior year I went back and forth contemplating, Do I need to add another year or two?? It just seems like there are things I still need to work on with him, things he has not mastered. Maybe I’m letting go too early.

My son struggled with writing and spelling. It wasn’t that he couldn’t come up with great things to say, it was that the process of getting it from his head onto paper caused him difficulty. We spent many years working on this, and when he graduated I still struggled with where he was in this area. His math, science, history, and every other subject were on par. After much prayer, I knew I just had to let go. The Lord made it clear to both of us that He had other plans that were starting soon for my son’s life, and I needed to release him to those plans. (The last thing I ever want to do is stand in God’s way!)

So here we are 5 months later, and I have learned a few things I want to share with those of you feeling like a failure, like you aren’t doing enough, that you chose the wrong curriculum, that your kids aren’t where the other kids his age are, or the biggie: that you are messing your kids up for-ev-er. You may be struggling through elementary, middle or high school with these lovely thoughts. 

I’ve been there, too. As a matter of fact, I have 3 children that I’m currently homeschooling and I still feel like that some days.  So as a testimony to God’s faithfulness I want to tell you that even though I may have messed up at times, my son is in college. He is writing papers (yes, more than one or two weekly) and there are no teeth being pulled by anyone! All those things that I taught him about writing that he could not implement before? He found them somewhere tucked into his brain and he is using them. Does he still struggle? Yes, but what I’ve found is that God is faithful and is giving him all that he needs to complete the work required.  It doesn’t matter what I missed teaching him because he has a better teacher than me: he has God.  

So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. 

1 Corinthians 3:7

You know what else I learned? It was only me who thought I had only 12 years to teach him everything. I have some of my finest teaching moments with my son over email when my son sends me his college papers to look over. God is still teaching and working on him. God has no time limits. There are still things my son needs to learn or practice, but he has time to learn it now. Mind you that I’m not saying you should just quit teaching/homeschooling your child or be careless about providing a good education. What I am saying is stop with the worrying. If you are praying, and you and your child are doing your best, you can trust that God is there. 

How could I have missed that before? I don’t know. God teaches me things daily and I suppose I forgot that He can do the same for my grown (or younger) children. Lay it down and give it to God. He’s already in control and just letting you think you are anyway.

Seek the Wisdom of the Grey Hair (or dyed hair, as the case may be)

"Speak to me, honey. What do you need to know?"
(Photo credit: pexels.com/photos/24884)

Seek the Wisdom of the Grey Hair

by Carol J. Alexander

My oldest son is almost 29 years old. He's a husband and a father. He and his wife own their own home. He's a skilled craftsman and owns his own business. He's well respected in his community. Would I have thought that would be the case 20 years ago? Absolutely not!

Drew was very strong-willed. He tried every nerve in my being. Once, when he was about 7 years old, I sent him to his room for an hour. While he was in there, and the house was actually quiet, I enjoyed talking to my girlfriend on the phone. But after some time passed, it occurred to me that it was just too quiet; so I checked on him. He was gone. The window was open. I found him in the backyard playing. SIGH!

I made a lot of mistakes. One was trying to get help from books.

While reading The Strong-Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson*, I realized that his book was no help to me what-so-ever. When I thought about why this great learned man, with such a large following, was feeding me non-practical theorizing fluff through this book, I realized, "He only has two kids, a boy and a girl, with plenty of money to put food on the table, drive a reliable car and pay the bills every month. What does he know about my life?"

Dr. Dobson was never down in the trenches with me. Oh, he may have had a strong-willed child. (And he may have studied strong-willed children in his laboratory, er practice.) But he never had my child, oldest of six. Dobson wasn't stressed-out trying to make it on one very low income in order to homeschool. He didn't live in a 500-square foot cottage with four kids! He didn't have parents and in-laws telling him that everything would be okay if he just put his child in school. His trench and my trench were worlds apart.

Then and there I decided that I would never ask parenting advice from someone again (or read their books or their blogs!) unless they had more kids than I did. You know what that took? Someone older. Someone further ahead in the journey. Someone with grey hair, so to speak.

I see a trend with younger parents asking for advice from their peers. I get that. You hang with your friends at the park, kids playing, you chatting. It's only natural to ask what brand of diapers work, where she bought her baby wrap, how to get over a breastfeeding hurdle. But let's face it, when it comes to life-changing decisions like how to discipline for lying or when to get your child a smart phone, do you really want the advice of someone who is experimenting with options right along with you?

The best thing that ever happened to this young mother was Kay. Kay was an older woman in my church. I asked her if she would meet with me and other young moms for Bible study. She said my request was an answer to prayer for her, as she had been asking God for direction in her empty-nested life. So we started meeting regularly at the park. (We lived in Florida at the time, so it was possible to meet outdoors year round.) The children played while the moms gleaned from Kay's wisdom regarding marriage and parenting. With a special-needs son, one income and four children, Kay had experience in my trench--and a love for Jesus that governed everything she did and said.

Fortunately, our Home Instructed Students support group is not new and has a wide range of experienced, Godly parents. There is no lack of grey (or dyed) hair in HIS. And even though we often don't feel it, there is no lack of wisdom.

The following HIS moms regularly attend meetings and have homeschooled for longer than 12 years. Why 12? It takes that long to graduate a child. I'm sure everyone on the list would love to share what worked, and what didn't work, for their family. I'm sure they would also love to pray with you and for you as you make life-changing decisions for your family. Feel free to seek one of us out.

Nita Sudlow--27 years.
Carol Alexander--23 years.
Cherie Ellis--21 years.
Staci Woods--13 years.

If that's not enough, there are those who have finished homeschooling but are still around. Watch for future posts from them.



*By sharing my experience with Dr. Dobson's book, I in no way mean to discredit him or his advice. I'm merely using it as an example of what did not work for me. I have not tried to re-read his books since, so I do not have a new perspective.