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So I just spent 12 years worrying teaching my oldest son all (or as close to that as
possible) that I thought he needed to know to graduate. I changed curriculums
when things were not coming together, I read all the suggestions from the
expert moms. I asked other homeschool moms for their best advice, and in the
end I usually ended up on a different path than all those suggestions.
Prayer
was my friend, and my prayer was, “Lord, help me to be the homeschool mom you want
me to be. Help my children to learn what you want them to learn for the things
you have planned for them.” Over the
years, I kept a little running clock in my head that counted down the time left
to accomplish all the things he needed to learn: I need to work on his memorizing those multiplication tables. We need
to do Biology with a lab. He needs to know both MLA and APA style writing. We
haven’t completed US Government yet! What about that science book we never
finished? We only have 7 years…4 years…1 year!… and on and on the countdown
went. As we pushed through his senior year I went back and forth contemplating, Do I need to add another year or two?? It
just seems like there are things I still need to work on with him, things he
has not mastered. Maybe I’m letting go too early.
My son struggled with writing and spelling. It wasn’t that
he couldn’t come up with great things to say, it was that the process of
getting it from his head onto paper caused him difficulty. We spent many years
working on this, and when he graduated I still struggled with where he was in
this area. His math, science, history, and every other subject were on par.
After much prayer, I knew I just had to let go. The Lord made it clear to both
of us that He had other plans that were starting soon for my son’s life, and I
needed to release him to those plans. (The last thing I ever want to do is stand in God’s way!)
So here we are 5 months later, and I have learned a few
things I want to share with those of you feeling like a failure, like you
aren’t doing enough, that you chose the wrong curriculum, that your kids aren’t
where the other kids his age are, or the biggie: that you are messing your kids
up for-ev-er. You may be struggling through elementary, middle or high school
with these lovely thoughts.
I’ve been there, too. As a matter of fact, I have 3
children that I’m currently homeschooling and I still feel like that some days.
So as a testimony to God’s faithfulness
I want to tell you that even though I may have messed up at times, my son is in
college. He is writing papers (yes, more than one or two weekly) and there are
no teeth being pulled by anyone! All those things that I taught him about
writing that he could not implement before? He found them somewhere tucked into
his brain and he is using them. Does he still struggle? Yes, but what I’ve
found is that God is faithful and is giving him all that he needs to complete
the work required. It doesn’t matter
what I missed teaching him because he has a better teacher than me: he has God.
So
neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes
things grow.
1 Corinthians 3:7
How could I have missed that before? I don’t know. God teaches me things daily and I suppose I forgot that He can do the same for my grown (or younger) children. Lay it down and give it to God. He’s already in control and just letting you think you are anyway.
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