Seek the Wisdom of the Grey Hair (or dyed hair, as the case may be)

"Speak to me, honey. What do you need to know?"
(Photo credit: pexels.com/photos/24884)

Seek the Wisdom of the Grey Hair

by Carol J. Alexander

My oldest son is almost 29 years old. He's a husband and a father. He and his wife own their own home. He's a skilled craftsman and owns his own business. He's well respected in his community. Would I have thought that would be the case 20 years ago? Absolutely not!

Drew was very strong-willed. He tried every nerve in my being. Once, when he was about 7 years old, I sent him to his room for an hour. While he was in there, and the house was actually quiet, I enjoyed talking to my girlfriend on the phone. But after some time passed, it occurred to me that it was just too quiet; so I checked on him. He was gone. The window was open. I found him in the backyard playing. SIGH!

I made a lot of mistakes. One was trying to get help from books.

While reading The Strong-Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson*, I realized that his book was no help to me what-so-ever. When I thought about why this great learned man, with such a large following, was feeding me non-practical theorizing fluff through this book, I realized, "He only has two kids, a boy and a girl, with plenty of money to put food on the table, drive a reliable car and pay the bills every month. What does he know about my life?"

Dr. Dobson was never down in the trenches with me. Oh, he may have had a strong-willed child. (And he may have studied strong-willed children in his laboratory, er practice.) But he never had my child, oldest of six. Dobson wasn't stressed-out trying to make it on one very low income in order to homeschool. He didn't live in a 500-square foot cottage with four kids! He didn't have parents and in-laws telling him that everything would be okay if he just put his child in school. His trench and my trench were worlds apart.

Then and there I decided that I would never ask parenting advice from someone again (or read their books or their blogs!) unless they had more kids than I did. You know what that took? Someone older. Someone further ahead in the journey. Someone with grey hair, so to speak.

I see a trend with younger parents asking for advice from their peers. I get that. You hang with your friends at the park, kids playing, you chatting. It's only natural to ask what brand of diapers work, where she bought her baby wrap, how to get over a breastfeeding hurdle. But let's face it, when it comes to life-changing decisions like how to discipline for lying or when to get your child a smart phone, do you really want the advice of someone who is experimenting with options right along with you?

The best thing that ever happened to this young mother was Kay. Kay was an older woman in my church. I asked her if she would meet with me and other young moms for Bible study. She said my request was an answer to prayer for her, as she had been asking God for direction in her empty-nested life. So we started meeting regularly at the park. (We lived in Florida at the time, so it was possible to meet outdoors year round.) The children played while the moms gleaned from Kay's wisdom regarding marriage and parenting. With a special-needs son, one income and four children, Kay had experience in my trench--and a love for Jesus that governed everything she did and said.

Fortunately, our Home Instructed Students support group is not new and has a wide range of experienced, Godly parents. There is no lack of grey (or dyed) hair in HIS. And even though we often don't feel it, there is no lack of wisdom.

The following HIS moms regularly attend meetings and have homeschooled for longer than 12 years. Why 12? It takes that long to graduate a child. I'm sure everyone on the list would love to share what worked, and what didn't work, for their family. I'm sure they would also love to pray with you and for you as you make life-changing decisions for your family. Feel free to seek one of us out.

Nita Sudlow--27 years.
Carol Alexander--23 years.
Cherie Ellis--21 years.
Staci Woods--13 years.

If that's not enough, there are those who have finished homeschooling but are still around. Watch for future posts from them.



*By sharing my experience with Dr. Dobson's book, I in no way mean to discredit him or his advice. I'm merely using it as an example of what did not work for me. I have not tried to re-read his books since, so I do not have a new perspective.